This list is compiled from years of conference-going, listening to editors and agents bemoan the tactics that writers-at-large use to gain their attention. And, in a way, these things work. You gain attention…
…just not the kind of attention you want!
Hope you enjoy :~)
Things Not to SAY to an Editor/Agent
- I will call next week to see how you liked my manuscript.
- Hope you enjoyed the glitter confetti.
- My mother/children/class loved it!
- You only think I should make that change because you don’t understand.
- This is the next Twilight!
- This is the next Harry Potter!
- This book will appeal to all audiences.
- I’m submitting this to you because I really loved novel X (which hasn’t, actually, been released yet.)
- Dear Mr. Green…when “Mr. Green” is actually “Ms.”
- I know you don’t usually publish children’s books, but….
- Show up at their office unexpectedly.
- Call when you don’t have a relationship.
- Call when you DO have a relationship—for the forty-seventh time that week.
- Throw your plate of spaghetti at them for rejecting your perfect prose.
- Slide your manuscript under their hotel room door.
- Corner them in the bathroom.
- Send them gifts (unless, of course, those gifts involve chocolate.)
- Send them a manuscript signature required (or postage due!)
- Drop off your laptop to force them to read your manuscript, so that they have to call the bomb squad.
In case you’re wondering, yes, I believe that all of these things have actually happened! Makes ya want to go out there and hug an editor today, right?
Although maybe that’s not a good idea, either. Unless you know them
PS: The picture shown to the right is “How Not to Pitch” from Anna-Maria Crum, and it’s on my coffee mug. Just in case I forget!